Saudade

9 hours left in Brazil. It seems surreal- I can't tell if its that fact, or the strong coffee I had this morning that is making my stomach flip. Suddenly I want a lot of things. I want to be close to my family and friends from home, but live in Rio, maybe not indefinitely, but I feel like our time together is being cut off. I want to speak Portuguese and do my architecting here. I want to keep the friends I have made here as close as they are to me now. I want there to be seasons in Brazil, especially fall- and for the mosquitoes to leave me alone. I want to remember everything, forget nothing that has happened over the last 3 months, because most of it was great, and what wasn't just made the great parts even better.

This has been the best experience of my life. I totally fell in love with Brazil, with Portuguese, with the people I have met. Though I miss home, nothing like this would have happened in Michigan. Never would I meet a family on a tour and become like a family member to them during the course of a day. I wouldn't have learned how important for an architect to always think of themselves as a designer first, or how valued it is as a profession here. Granted, there would probably be less tears in Michigan- but I am even grateful for those, because they remind me of how much I really LIVED these three months in Brazil. Saudade, that sickly achy feeling you get- nostalgic and sentimental when you truly miss something- I don't know how to escape it. If I am not missing my family and friends from the states, I will be missing my family and friends from Brazil. I can't stop thinking how lucky and fortunate I am for getting here. I've experienced, seen, heard, felt things and been places that people dream of their whole lives. And I made it happen. Just me. Even though it feels like the end, it can't be, I will find my way back. But first, I do really want to be back in the states for a while. I have a whole new appreciation for the great things I have going there. An awesome family, not without flaws but at least we really love each other. GREAT friends who I can't wait to see. A job in a city I like, with people that I loved working with, a roof over my head and (hopefully) my favorite soup when I get back (are you reading this fifcia? don't forget smietanka- love you lots). The only thing I am not looking forward to is paying off my student loans and taxes... haha adds more fuel to the argument for staying put in Brazil.

Sao Paulo is HUGE. I am usually a fan of big cities, I love new york... but this is like, 10 new yorks. I don't even have the patience to really get to know the city. Kevin took me to sushi last night, and it took us like an hour to find a place that was open (most places take mondays off), but it was really good and creative sushi (one was salmon with grilled strawberries and creamcheese- yum) and the other was the best eel roll I ever had. But even Kevin doesn't love Sao Paulo, and he's been working here for years. The traffic, pollution... There are a lot of nice places, its just you have to know where they are and the back roads to get there faster, before you lose your mind in hours of traffic. They even have special restrictions for people, depending on their license plate, they can't drive in the city on certain days, usually its one day during the week after a certain hour. People find ways around it though, like buying a junky car with another license plate- which only worsens the situation...

Rio was it for me, it would take a lot of convincing and touring with Paulistas that love their city to make me love Sao Paulo as much as I do Rio. The metro system... has like 12 different lines, and more in the works- and they branch out like a spider... I had no idea where I was going when I went out the other day. Good thing I am relatively street smart (ams, mar, shan stop laughing that wasn't sarcastic lol... maybe a little). AND, the metro, the parts I was on it was all above ground like a regular train, and to board and deboard, you would have to cross a two and a half foot gap between the platform and the train car that was about 8 feet deep. I wonder how many injuries they get- it can't be safe. Then again, neither was the tram to Santa Theresa in Rio, where people would be holding on to the bars outside of the tram car. There were no "keep you hands and feet inside the car at all times" signs on this thing, and people would hop on and off freely even while it was moving. Insane. The only downside of Rio, and I guess maybe any big city is litter. It would drive me CRAZY to see people leaving their trash on the beach. No one got as riled up about littering as Joao from Londrina, I admired him for his naturalist attitude- AND for how mad he got when he saw people litter, I learned all kinds of good swear words in Portuguese. He'd always say, "I am just doing my part to be part of nature". Mind you, he was far from any stereotype of a treehugging hippie- he just wanted a cleaner earth. Me too. So anyone who is reading this who has ever thrown things out their car window, or left their trash on the beach or littered at all, think again before you do it again. Joao will find you, and he's a force to be reckoned with.

Speaking of environmental things, the people I meet per chance, like the lady that sat to me on the bus back to Sao Paulo and a really cool taxi driver in Rio always ask me about Obama when they find out I am American. I really hope this administration can start to turn things around. They already have the world's favor- many Brazilians were just as emotional as I was when he won, listening to his speech, his renewed sense of the American dream and hopes for our future. They think that kind of collective spirit is missing in Brazil, but looking from the outside in, everything seems better than it is. There is corruption in our government too, its not just Brazil. But the fact that they are so interested I think its really cool.

Back to packing... its raining in Sao Paulo, Brazil must be sad to see me go.